The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
