I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
