Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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