Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
