Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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