I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
