Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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