I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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