I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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