I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
