so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
