Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
