take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
