So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm both gender and math confused
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
