Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
