I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
