We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
