I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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