you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
