she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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