You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
