**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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