Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
