you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
