Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
