He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
