I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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