i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
