We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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