Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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