just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
