i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
