3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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