i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize