Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
