On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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