didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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