Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
