Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
