Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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