I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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