Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
