i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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