We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
