what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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