it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
