Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
