I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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