I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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