Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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