ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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