the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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