I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
