Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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