You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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