So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.