Life is so much better after having sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.