You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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