It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
