Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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