I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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