I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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