Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
