well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
