Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
