I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
