ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
