I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I met the friendliest cop last night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
