Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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