i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
