i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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