how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
