i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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