i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
