weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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