I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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