My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
