I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
