I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
