Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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