I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
